Someone or Him

I've been a single adult for quite a few years, although not as long as some I know. And I don't pretend to claim 26 as a wise, old age. But there have been many moments in my life that I have struggled with a problem, traveled somewhere new, arrived home discouraged, learned something interesting, fought with a friend, etc that I have thought, "I wish someone were here to share this with me." Don't get me wrong, I love the life I have lived, and I wouldn't change these last 26 years at all. But there have been times I wished someone was there. For many years it was my family, and then in very special moments my friends have filled that void, but there is a melancholy realization that they won't be there for all of what you live. And when you go home at the end of the day, the only thing that greets you is a computer.

But supposedly this has all changed now. I found that "somebody" that I want to share my life with. Well, the reality is, that even though it is temporary, I still come home to a very empty house. I still cook, clean, shop, etc by myself. But here is the good difference. I no longer want somebody at my side. I want him.

I don't want someone to hold my hand during a movie, I want him to squeeze my hand in the parts that scare me most and make fun of me when I jump. I don't want someone to watch The Big Bang Theory with me, I want him there, staring at me like a stalker because he loves my geek laugh. I don't want someone to wash my dishes with me, I want him to come over and make fun of me for how many dirty dishes I have piled up but then wash them without a word of complaint. I don't want someone to run to the grocery store when I realize I'm missing an ingredient for a recipe I'm making, I want him to come back with 3 extra bags of random purchases he knew would make me smile. I don't want someone to listen to my problems, I want him to ask how he can make me happy, because he always does. I don't want someone who asks how work was, I want him here to inspire me so much I can't wait to go back to the office. I don't want someone to eat the cookies I bake, I want him to tell me that these are the best cookies he's ever eaten. I don't want someone to laugh with me when something is funny, I want him to make me laugh when nothing is funny. I don't want someone to ask me what I want to do for fun tonight, I want him to fill me with sugar because he knows how much more fun I'll be on a sugar rush. I don't want someone to kiss, I want him to love.

I don't just want someone anymore. I want him. I want him here with me.